Choices
by Aoyuki Hikari
Summary: Integra contemplates duty and honor in getting married and having heirs. Or someone will actually change her mind? AxI? Maybe... ::evil grin:: EDITED
1. Hell

Disclaimer: Hellsing is not my property—series, manga and characters belong to Kouta Hirano-sama and other respective owners. I am not using this for profit—merely for fun. :)

N/A: Made lots of revisions to the old fic. Hellsing anime series but has hints of AU (because I keep mixing up the OVA and manga elements in to suit my purposes). The story is inspired by Melrose Stormhaven's story "The Hellsing Heir" and also Damned Caeli's numerous humorous AxI fic. I'm to the point of asking her if this could be a prequel but this can stand on its own. Forgive the OOC-ness, this is my first Hellsing fic (much more an AxI fic—or would it be? Hehehehe…) and I know I need to research more. I would love and appreciate comments, corrections and criticisms. This is for Hieiko-neesama, Momo-pi, Siomee and my inspirations: Melrose Stormhaven and Damned Caeli.

oOo-break

_italics-_ thoughts/telepathy

FREAK-unregistered vampires that the Hellsing Institute hunts

**Choices**

By Aoyuki Hikari

Chapter I Hell 

She had enough. More than enough.

Strewn all over the study's carpeted floor were letters-- some crumpled, others torn carelessly. The oak study table was also littered with stacks of letters with the usual correspondence from the Round Table and Her Majesty. Piles of unopened parcels were set aside, untouched. The vases were overflowing with roses of different colors-- red, white, peach, pink, yellow and purple, their perfume overwhelming the somber study with their bright color and perfume.

Currently, the stench of roses was making her head throb. The copious and colorful display of flowers was beginning to drive her crazy.

Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing took off her glasses, setting it carefully on her desk. She leaned back on her leather seat and pinched the bridge of her nose with her forefinger and thumb. She was weary to the bone and wanted this day to end. For the first time of her life—after the siege in the Hellsing Institute, the loss of many of her trusted men, her incarceration, the trial, her release and rebuilding the manor and Institute, she had never felt this drained and devoid of energy and emotions.

Integra opened her eyes, seeking the comforting presence of her father's painting. She met the painted blue eyes' gaze directly, her cool blue eyes softening a bit with affection. It was fortunate that the painting was saved from the rampage of the FREAKS in the manor before it was razed to the ground—this was the only physical reminder that linked her to her family apart from her own flesh and blood. She never admitted it to anyone—not even to Alucard, who baited her too often, the significance of the portrait.

oOo

She and her father were in the library, concluding their lessons on vampires. She was about to leave when her father had stopped her. He had been looking intently at her, as if weighing his thoughts. Suddenly, he said, "Will you forgive me, daughter?"

"Father?" The twelve-year old Integra had questioned, worry and puzzlement lacing her voice. "Is everything all right?"

Lord Arthur Hellsing had looked at flaxen-haired girl with eyes full of love and anguish. She had shivered at the intensity of that gaze. "As my heir, Integra, you will be holding a responsibility that might be more than you can bear. And part of it is giving up a lot of things that you wished you had, even the things that matters to you." His voice had become stern. "You need not like them but you have to do them. These, all for your duty as a Hellsing."

She had thought that she had fully understood what he meant. She had nodded in assent. "I understand, Father."

A shadow of a smile had flitted on his tired features. "No, Integra. You think you do, but you still don't. But I'm sure if it comes to that, you will remember what I told you."

oOo

_Is this, Father, the time you were saying? _Integra silently asked her father's portrait. At a tender age of thirteen, after her father's death, her uncle Richard's treachery and her knighthood, Integra had been running the Hellsing Institute under the tutelage of Walter and, almost unwillingly, she also had to acknowledge the help of Alucard. Walter taught her almost everything she should learn but it was Alucard who opened her eyes to the darker sides of life's realities. She did nothing but study, practice and fight. Fight for her heritage, her nobility, her duty, respect and dominance at The Round Table. Letting go of her childish and girlish whims had been easy; she had no time to fantasize and dream about things the girl her age dream. Dreaming is a weakness, and she cannot afford to show weakness. Her first time to kill a FREAK had erased all the vestiges of her childhood innocence and reserve.

She had given up the privileges as a normal young woman for duty and power. There was no regret because she took great pride in her duty and heritage. She is a HELLSING, and that is all that matters to her.

But for all those the things she had to do for duty and heritage, she should have seen this coming. She had never detested this kind of call of duty this intensely, for that matter. Or perhaps, she simply did not know how to handle the situation. Romance had no room in her life. Another price she had to pay for being a Hellsing.

She winced in distaste as she glanced at the mess in her usually immaculate study. She sighed wearily as she ran her fingers through her platinum blond hair. She should tell Walter to get rid of the trash immediately. Flowers, especially yellow roses remind her of Maxwell and the strained relationship of the Vatican and Anglican Church. At that thought, she gritted her teeth in frustration. How must the Section 13 laugh themselves sick at the news that the lofty Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing was being sold like common chattel by the Queen of England herself to the peerage of the realm. Married to a fop whose only concern are heirs, position, mistresses and money? Ludicrous! She rather had all the FREAKS attack and lay siege on the Hellsing manor again!

How she wished she were back on those days where she worked furiously and endlessly, not minding the passing hours and stopping only when her body demanded her to rest. Although she still worked from sunup to sundown, she was forced to face and entertain the suits of every single and suitable lord, knight and royal-blood in Great Britain that pester her--paid calls on her, hoping for her hand in marriage. To top that, her visibility on the numerous soirees and parties that would expose her to the Ton was also required. The FREAKS seemed to be not cooperating to give her the appropriate excuse. Curiously, it had been weeks since they had the last attack. She had ordered Alucard and Seras to investigate but it brought them nothing.

And so the courtship had begun. So did many weeks' worth of hell.

One month ago…

oOo

"_What do you get from staring at the portrait of the dead, Master? Sentimentality does not suit you, even you are, after all, human."_ Integra had heard the familiar mocking voice ringing through her mind when he had appeared, unannounced as usual, in her study. She had been caught gazing up at her father's portrait with particular intensity. The cursed missive from the Queen had arrived that time. _Hellsing must have an heir. Your duty is to provide this for your line to continue serving the royal family and England._ The Queen had even ordered her marriage in two months' time. With this, she had also ordered every suitable and available lords of the realm to court her so that she could choose among them.

She had not removed her eyes from the portrait but she had acknowledged his presence with a slight nod. "What brings you here, Alucard?"

The top vampire agent of the Hellsing Institute took a step, emerging from the shadows; his red trench coat billowing even there was no wind. He paused three feet away from his master's back. Pale moonlight shone through the glass pane, making his red eyes seem to glint wickedly through his yellow glasses. He also stared up at the portrait of Lord Hellsing, his master's father, as a gesture of greeting and respect to the former Lord. "I thought you would want to hear something interesting from the Devonshire attack."

"Walter brings me the reports, Alucard. So that is no matter for you to come up here and I know how much you enjoy bothering me. You know _exactly_ what I expect from you." Her voice was cool but the vampire had detected that there was a slight distraction, even tightness in her voice.

The vampire had chuckled. "Of course, my Master." Alucard's footsteps sounded hollow on the thick carpet as she heard him come up directly behind her. A hand rested on her shoulder. "Then perhaps, it is time you tell me something that would interest me," he murmured. "Something of great import that is bothering your mind, perhaps?"

Integra's rigid form had stiffened almost imperceptibly but the vampire had noticed. She mentally cursed herself for betraying her emotions. _Damn him for being such a nuisance at a time like this!_ "That's the last thing I will tell you, vampire," she had snapped irritably, dislodging of his gloved hand on her shoulder. She stepped away from his closeness as she turned, expecting to see that irritable smirk playing on his mouth but when she looked up, the vampire's expression was inscrutable. His hooded red eyes stared deeply into hers that she became unnerved with their intensity.

"You are beginning to lose your touch, Master," he had observed, finally returning to his old smug self.

Blue eyes clashed with the scarlet eyes. "I did not recall asking for your opinion," she said coldly. "And the next time you feel compelled to put your hand on my person without my permission, you will regret it badly."

There was click of metal as he had drawn out the Jackal, his hand outstretched towards her. A blonde eyebrow had shot up questioningly as she eyed the weapon. "Is that a dare, Alucard? Sealing you would be less messier, you know."

He had laughed softly at that. "Is that so?" He had asked tauntingly. "Do you think you're up to it, Master? At your mind's state, anything that has to do with me is far from your mind."

Weary of the endless riddle that was Alucard, she walked past where he stood to return to her desk. "Leave me be, Alucard. I have no time for your games." His next words froze her from where she stood.

"Tell me, Master. How does it feel to be treated like a brooding mare as any other royal-blood? Is that also a game to you?"

Integra felt as if ice-cold water was splashed on her face with the vulgar depiction of marriage by the vampire. But she refused to feel intimidated. "No need to be crude, Alucard. I'm sure this had been the same during your time."

He nodded in assent. "Indeed." His smile widened into a wicked grin. "But it seems like honor and pride are losing the battle. I can remedy that."

Eyes widened with shock and nostrils flaring with anger, she whirled around and snarled dangerously, anger punctuating each word. "How DARE you read my mind! For the last time, vampire, I warned you not to delve into my private thoughts! "

Her anger only made him amused. "I dare anything as you very well know, Master. But that's beside the point. Will you submit yourself to the farce of courtship and marriage? I must say that this is something I should see." When she just stood before him, her blue eyes narrowed to slits and her hands balled into fists, he expected her to shoot and seal him right there and then. He knew he riled her too much tonight but he enjoyed seeing the sparks of ire glinting in those marvelous icy blue eyes. However, he was in for a disappointment when she refused to be baited and returned to her desk. "Don't push your luck. I may not be able to seal you tonight but there will be another time I may not be so preoccupied."

"Then say what you have to say, Master. Reading your mind is easier but you are still my Master."

When she did not reply, he smiled knowingly now that he knew that it was safe enough to approach her without worrying about his limbs. He set the Jackal on top of her desk. "Well?" He prompted.

"That is none of your affair, vampire. Now, get out."

"As you wish, Lady Hellsing." He bowed and had begun to vanish in the shadows when almost unwillingly, Integra called out. "Wait."

"_Changed your mind, my Master?"_

"No. But you left your gun. What am I supposed to do with this?"

His mocking eyes had shone in the darkness like embers. _"Let Walter have them for diagnostics. And while you continue to evade the issue, I offered you once a choice. Remember that."_

She ignored that jibe as she leaned back from her seat, closing her eyes. "Tell me something, servant. What do you get on angering me?"

His quiet laughter filled her ears as he vanished completely, annoying her immensely. His parting words rang into her thoughts. _"Anger makes you weak, Master...but it also makes you beautiful"_

oOo

Her mind flew to Alucard as she remembered their discussion. Since her incarceration, the vampire agent had taunted her endlessly the gift of immortality. How many times had he wounded himself…_seduced _her with his forbidden…_filthy _blood? Those were little tortures of the mind and spirit—he knew how much she had wanted it but it was fortunate that her pride would have none of it. It was also no secret that the vampire has a strong fascination with her. She could think of many reasons but she didn't wish to know the real reason. Or maybe she was just afraid to learn the truth.

"_So simple to be immortal…to be powerful…Join me, my Master…"_

_No…stop! I can't be possibly contemplating that! To be a FREAK…a vampire…NO! It's out of the question!_

She sighed as her eyes went back to her father's portrait. Her father had also opted to marry to beget an heir. Another political marriage yet that marriage had been a harmonious, even an affectionate one. She wondered if he would have understood her plight but he would have none of the doubts and her…revulsion. Yes, he might be a little contemptuous but duty has still a greater weight than preferences. This is their primary duty—to their monarch, their country, and their name. And if it had to mean she had to give up the freedom she cherished, then so be it.

Walter had opened the door and was looking at her with polite curiosity. For the longest time, Integra was just staring into space and didn't even hear him knock. The Hellsing retainer, once the Institute's Angel of Death, had peered at her, genuine concern in his eyes. " I was about to ask—Sir Integra, are you all right?" When she had finally acknowledged his presence but remained silent, the retainer had straightened and allowed her a few minutes to compose herself before he continued, "The Duke of Lancashire is downstairs to see you, Lord." When she didn't react to that one, he added, "If it would please you, I would ask the Duke to leave and tell him-"

"It is all right, Walter. I will be down in a moment." Integra rose from her seat. She picked up her glasses and straightened her clothes and was about to step off when she noticed that Walter still remained standing. "What is it?" she asked.

"Sir Integra, I just wanted to alert you of some other notable presence with the Duke." The retainer looked discomfited. "It might be best if you appear…uh, more presentably...feminine for the benefit of our guests." He coughed, positively embarrassed as twin spots of color appeared on Integra's cheeks. "I had requested Miss Seras to assist you in your wardrobe and toilette…" He was not able to go on when chips of icy blue eyes pierced him with laser stares.

"Just…who is down with the Duke of Lancashire right now, Walter?" Her voice was low but dangerous. True that she had consented on a political marriage, even with the farcical play of courtship but dictating what she had to do is more than she can tolerate. She can feel her temper rising but she strove to control herself.

Walter stared at the floor, unwilling to stare at his master then forced himself to look at her pale, haggard face. She had borne all the tragedies and scandals that had happened the past ten years. She had been the pillar of strength of all those who were around her—even he, who had cared for her when she was still a child. Even for her young age, she had always been an epitome of control and courage—the very core requirements of being the leader and head of the Hellsing Institute. But now seeing her weariness, to the point of weakness, did not lessen her respect or awe with the remarkable woman. But he knew that any sign of concern or pity would just fire her ire. He cleared his throat and made his face impassive. "Our Queen had seen it fit to send a retinue to," he coughed to cover his discomfiture. "Ensure your compliance."

Integra's face became unreadable but Walter knew that his master was seething with rage. For a few moments, he waited for an explosion. Instead of the expected explosion of explicits, he nearly jumped when she replied, "Very well, Walter. Tell them I will be with them as soon as I get dressed." She swept out of the room, proudly, as always. But Walter could not believe that there was a hint of resignation in her voice as she said those words. For the first time of his life, Walter Cumm Ddollneazz almost wept for his master.

TBC

Please read and review! Sankyuu!


	2. Reflections of the Past

Disclaimer: Hellsing is not mine. But this fanfic idea is-- but I am not doing this for profit even I need money. -;

A/N: Rewrote the fanfic. Well, just a beta-test. I promise to upload and finish Choices this summer (in spite of OJT) and start a new fic. Heaven knows I need something else to think about! This is for all those who reviewed and liked this fic.My utmost thanks.

Issues that are found in neither anime nor manga are merely my assumptions. This chapter is also inspired by the song "Reflections" the Leah Salonga version. I hope you like it so review, please!

Thanks is also given to Intensity! Shrine to Integra Wingates Hellsing site for the info about Integra-sama.

oOo- flash backs

_italics- _thoughts/telepathy

**Chapter II**

**Reflections of the Past**

Integra hesitated as she reached her room. She simply had no energy to face the duke or the Queen's retinue but Seras Victoria, Alucard's fledgling, had stood there, waiting patiently. "I am sorry if I took the liberty of choosing your clothes, Sir Integra--," the policewoman began apologizing. She let out an inward sigh.

"Get on with it," she interrupted sharply the other words the policewoman was about to say. The younger blonde-haired girl gave her an odd look before she quickly picked up a powder blue dress and showed it to her. She nodded briefly, not caring or hearing the excited jabber the young policewoman. She took off the cross pin of her tie, almost absently and laid it on her vanity table. Her eyes moved to a picture when she was twelve—her long blonde hair free, her dusky skin fresh and her blue eyes twinkling merrily and childishly. It was her father himself who took that snapshot. She glanced at the mirror. Same long blonde hair, same dusky skin but the eyes were different. It was darker, somber and weary, the childish vibrancy and innocence long ago extinguished.

Her eyes flicked on the bed. On her four-poster bed, there were various clothes for women. _It had been a long time since I had worn a dress_, she thought with a tinge of nostalgia, fingering the fabric of the blue sundress. _Among the other things I have given up_, she thought. She began to strip off her jacket and shirt, shrugging in her dressing robe to begin her bath.

She had worn men's clothing, preferred cigars to perfume and assumed a male stance in handling her duties. She even had taken up a male's title—preferring the title "Sir" or "Lord" than "Lady" as a knight. It was not as if she detested what her gender is, she rationalized as she sank down to the relaxing waters. She is a woman, and proud of it. But in order to survive in a male-dominated world, she had to conceal her femininity and all it symbolized because it had been considered weakness to be a woman as a Knight; the Round Table had made her conscious of that. It had never been an issue to her father that his eldest child and only heir is a female, although she knew her father had sometimes wished for another son. When she had once asked, his father had merely laughed…

oOo

She had been twelve. They were at the rose garden, having tea after her afternoon lessons. It was a rare time her father was free from his duties to indulge her in joining her for the afternoon tea. She had realized how much she had missed her father's presence. He made her laugh as he teased her while she told her stories about her studies in general. He listened to her with grave amusement and interest. When she was breathless after regaling her one of the scrapes she had gone while practicing her fencing, he gave her a look filled with much tenderness that she paused. When he asked her, he had smiled at her.

"You are finally growing up, Integra, into a fine woman. I wish you to remain a princess, child, but God had willed you to be my heir. And you are proving to be worthy," his eyes twinkled as he teased, "Even you still do fall asleep in Mathematics."

She made a glum face. "Math is soo boring, Father." She absently began to spread jam on her scone, and then blurted out. "Why don't you marry again, Father? I'm sure Mother won't mind and I'd like another sibling…" she blushed when she had realized what she was saying. "Forgive me, Father," she had mumbled embarrassedly. "I did not mean to…" She looked away, blushing embarrassedly.

Her father had nodded and lit his cheroot. "It is no matter, child. Perhaps your mother would have not minded. Indeed, she had actually encouraged me to. But I would." He blew out the fragrant smoke. "Your mother and I had respected and cared for each other the way no one can ever know," he had replied that sunny spring afternoon. "No one can replace your mother here," he had pointed to his heart.

She had smiled gently at that. "Mother must have been a truly remarkable woman." Her eyes became sad as she added wistfully, "I only wish I had met her."

His father looked at her fondly. "But you have, my dear." She had looked up in surprise, as his father continued, "Not in pictures, not in memory." He pointed at the glass that reflected their faces. "She's there."

Puzzled, the young girl peered at the glass. "But how could she be there in the glass, Father? There's only the two of us."

Her father tilted his head to one side. "My darling, it is because you have your mother's face," he said softly. "You are as lovely as your mother, child," he added with emotion. "And her spirit is with you."

She had laughed in the childish, innocent way only children do. Then she sobered and whispered, "Thank you, Father."

oOo

Finally dressed in the powder blue sundress, her hair swept up and an intricately gold-crusted sapphire necklace on her neck, Integra stared again at the mirror. The blue gemstone winked like cold chips of ice. It was an heirloom she had only seen after her father died but never wore. Except now.

To her surprise, she never realized how much she resembled like her dead mother. A woman she never knew—save for her dreams and her father's albums and stories. A strong-willed woman, albeit with a fragile body, Walter told her. She never had the chance to see her daughter grow up. For the first time, Integra felt the uncertainty of a woman who will never be accepted for who she wanted to be because she doesn't know who she really is. Although it was already clear her to her what she is meant to be—a knight of the realm, sworn to protect her country, faith and sovereign, because of the same duties she was sworn in, she was put into this untenable position. She walked to her dresser, while Seras held a brush. She wasn't even aware of the things she placed on her face but she let her do what the younger woman had to do.

Integra caught her reflection in the mirror. She recalled a song she had heard a long time ago, something that caught her fancy when she allowed herself to still enjoy her youth. She almost smiled at the irony that the Chinese maiden she had at first pitied and later on admired was now singing her plight.

_Look at me  
I will never pass for  
A perfect bride_

_Or a perfect daughter  
Can it be  
I'm not meant to play  
This part?_

_Since the beginning, I had not played the part I was meant to be as a woman and a daughter._ Integra mused grimly._ I had never been made to become a perfect bride for a nobleman. _She corrected herself. _Or for any man, for that matter. Nor had I even been raised a perfect daughter but a perfect heir and knight to replace my father._

_Now I see  
That if I were to truly  
To be myself  
I would break  
My family's heart_

_If I were truly be myself… What would I be? _Integra bit her lip. _Oh, Father…I am grateful the way you raised me and I never wanted to disappoint you. But why is it so hard to do what is right?_

_Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight  
Back at me?  
Why is my reflection someone  
I don't know?_

She heard the police girl gasp in surprise and something else as she finished the elaborate make-up. She gazed at the mirror as Seras asked her shyly, "What do you think, Sir Integra?" Obviously, she couldn't see the younger vampire's expression on the mirror's reflection but she repressed the bitter laugh welling from inside her. _I look like a painted doll off to be sold to the highest bidder. A helpless doll, decked with silk, perfumed powders and jewels to attract men and marriage. _Integra turned away from the mirror. _Is this what I've become now? Where is the proud knight who swore to protect England? _She couldn't bear to see what she saw.

_Somehow I cannot hide  
Who I am  
Though I've tried  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside? _

Her eyes fell on the discarded suit on the bed. _I hid my true self under those clothes. Or was that really my true self and I am now hiding under these trappings? God help me, who am I really? Why do I feel like a puppet subjected to other people's whims?_

_When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?_

"It is done, you may stand now." She turned, seeing Seras smile at her encouragingly. _How I envy the police girl for being free to be who she really is. _She paused. _Is that why l feel antagonized whenever I see her? Because I can't be like her?_

Seras watched the elegantly garbed yet still daunting figure of the Hellsing leader regally stand from her ministrations. With awe and admiration shining from her scarlet eyes, she could not believe that this was the same Sir Integra she came to know. As a knight, she looked cold and forbidding but dressed as a fashionable noble woman, she was simply stunning. But all throughout the affair of making her up, she was not unaware of the thoughts of her Master's master. Not that she dared reading her mind but her thoughts and expressions fairly broadcasted the uncertainties and anxieties she felt. Somehow, she never expected Sir Integra to have such doubts. To her surprise, she never thought that the reason of her aloofness towards her was a result of jealousy with her freedom rather than personal dislike. Beneath the show of courage and coolness, her vulnerability struck a chord of sympathy for the older woman.

Seras wanted to say something to lighten and encourage the stoic-faced woman but she felt a little foolish. _What would I say to her? It's as if I had more experience… _She stopped as she realized that as a normal human woman, she had indeed more experience than the older woman. With that thought propelling and giving her courage, she called out to the departing woman. "Lord Integra…?"

"Yes, police girl?" Her voice was coolly level as usual. She did not turn but Seras saw how agitated she was by looking how her gloved hand gripped the knob tightly. Seras' heart went out to the conflicting heart and mind of the older woman.

Seras stammered as she swallowed down her apprehension. "I—I just wanted to say—that is… that—to find the answer, follow your heart." _Damn great, Seras! That just sounded stupid._ When she didn't move, Seras took a fortifying breath, out of nervous habit, not that she needed it and continued, her courage building. "I've come to admire and respect you for who you are, Sir Integra—as a leader and as a woman. You do not care a fig to what people think-- they don't matter, anyway. You are the only one who knows exactly who you are and what you want to do is your business." Integra's head shot up in surprise and the movement of her head alarmed Seras. Thinking she angered her, she said with a small voice. "Please don't think I've been reading your mind. I thought that…well…I was worried about you, sir," she finished lamely.

Integra finally turned. She was a vision of femininity and grace as well as poise and icy hauteur but Seras had now detected the cracks of self-doubt and innocence from the real world reflected in her eyes. A faint smile played on her lips. "That is kind of you," she murmured. "I appreciated the assistance and your sentiments. Well, carry on."

Seras sighed inwardly in relief as she nodded respectfully to the older woman and turned her back to pick up the clothes on her bed but was halted when Integra asked her a question. "Seras? Do you think that I am beautiful?"

Seras' jaw dropped and she blushed furiously. "Er…I…uh, it's not my place to say it but I think you are quite beautiful tonight, Sir Integra," she stammered. The older woman briefly closed her eyes, as if mulling over her answer. Seras sighed with relief as Sir Integra finally opened the door but paused, her following question made her drop the clothes she was carrying.

"Do you think then that I can be loved by someone and that someone would want me not because of what I am but who I really am?"

Seras spun around, her mouth open, too flustered to even utter a word. Integra took in her stunned features and laughed softly. "I see that I have shocked you, police girl. Ignore it, they were rhetorical questions, any way." Then smiling truly now, she said, "Thank you for being honest with me."

With that, she closed the door.

**TBC**


	3. Options

Disclaimers: Hellsing is not mine but Hirano-sama's. Demented idea of this fic is mine but not intended for anything illegal. :wink:

A/N: Another re-written part. Me and my editing muse. ;

**Chapter III**

**Options**

Her powder blue skirts flowing behind her, she looked like a warrior queen about to face her greatest battle. Alucard's lips twisted with mischief as he watched Integra from the glass panes as she passed on her way to the receiving room. Tendrils of blonde hair framed her pale face, the moonlight softening the rigid lines of her proud features. It was then Alucard realized with mild interest that her usual round spectacles are nowhere to be seen, making her ice blue eyes appear bluer. And yes, more vulnerable. He decided to show himself to her, to needle her into showing that fiery temper of hers. And to admire her openly.

"I hope you wear women's clothes more often, Master. You are a sight for these sore eyes of mine."

She turned her head sharply in surprise as he materialized from the glass panel. Alucard took in the opportunity to flash her a toothy grin as he bowed formally and took her gloved hand to bestow a courtly kiss. He boldly stared up at her guarded eyes, as if challenging her to charge his insolence as he murmured, "You are a vision of loveliness tonight, Master." He straightened, still smiling as he awaited an irate outburst.

But to his surprise, it never came. His mocking smile vanished as he glanced at her. His eyes narrowed as she smiled serenely—a rare event for as long as they knew each other. "How kind of you to say so," she said sweetly as she curtsied. "I hope it doesn't blind you, Count Dracula."

Alucard threw back his head and laughed. "Very sweetly feminine," he chuckled approvingly. He thought he saw her eyes dance with girlish pleasure. "Speaking of eyes, what happened to yours? It is a wonder you can see in the dark now." Alucard's voice sounded so clueless that her lips curled with amusement.

"That is, I believe, because we have things we call contact lenses," she said in voice tinged with laughter. Sobering, she commented, "I'm pleased to see that your courtly behavior is still present even it had been five hundred years since you've been in court last."

"I've never been in court during the old times, my Master. My life was spent on wars and later on, in the darkness. But I had my rare times with your Queen." He ignored her surprised look as he eyed her critically. "Why such trifles now, Integra? Does the prospect of being a duchess more appealing?"

He saw her flinch, the easy laughter that gleamed in her eyes vanished, and replacing it with ice he knew so well. "That is none of your business, Count. And I believe I had told you to stop delving into my private thoughts."

He was too busy probing with her thoughts that he realized that he missed something that he should have noted first.

For the first time since they met, Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing—his master, took painstaking care of making herself look in her best feminine appearance tonight. Gone were the delicious musky scent of her cigarillos, the shapeless masculine suits and her tired paleness, in spite of her dusky complexion. He suddenly became aware of the delicate scent of lemons and the subtle scent of powder that human females put on their faces. Her usually pale cheeks looked flushed, accentuating her cheekbones. Her ice-blue eyes looked softer and wider. And her lips looked tender and ripely feminine. Her blue dress molded her slim but unmistakably womanly figure. The sapphire necklace winked in the soft moonlight, resting on the delicate collarbone. Her wispy blonde hair made her look ethereal.

She was a delectable sight. And if he could breathe again, she literally took his breath away. Another thought occurred to him with some surprise. He realized that he had gone too far in needling her, enough to insult her sensibilities. He knew her better than that but he knew he couldn't take his words back. "My apologies, Master. That was unforgivable."

She accepted the apology with a cool nod. She realized he was still holding her hand and his scarlet eyes had a strange expression. She pulled her hand out of his grasp and said formally, "I thank you for the kind words earlier, Sir Vampire. Now if you would excuse me, it is time I face my guests." She continued her way down the hall, her proud head lifted high but he knew he touched a sensitive chord.

"Does this mean you've chosen to participate in this farce?"

She stopped but did not turn. "I don't have any choice, servant." Her voice held a wealth of bitterness.

He veiled his scarlet eyes. "Very well. Good evening, Miss Hellsing." She continued her descent down the sweeping steps down to the foyer. Alucard instantly regretted his probing. His master is a proud one, to be sure, but maybe he'd been more of a monster than human to be sensitive of other people's feelings. It surprised him at the same time, galled him. Since when did he ever become sensitive of any human being?

_Only towards this woman._

He watched her descend the steps down the foyer. When she vanished in his field of sight, he retreated in the shadows.

OoO

Long after Sir Integra had left, Seras realized that her mouth was still hanging open. She shut her mouth and slowly began to pick up the clothes that had scattered on the floor. However, her mind is still at the questions Sir Integra asked her.

"_Seras? Do you think I am beautiful?"_

"_Do you think then that I can be loved by someone and that someone would want me not because of what I am but who I really am?"_

She had been caught unaware by that question that she whirled in surprise, stunned incredulity written all over her face. Her brain raced furiously. _What would I tell her?_ She was about to blurt out, _yes! There **is** someone there who loves and wants you the way you are!_

But Sir Integra had accurately but imprecisely read her reaction. Her soft laughter had not masked the bitterness her heart tried to conceal. _"It was a rhetorical question, any way." _That smile chilled her the most. It was not her usual frigid and sardonic smile but a defeated smile of someone who had realized that she had been a fool.

"_Thank you for being honest with me."_

And Lord Integra is certainly no fool. Merely…

"…_Excruciatingly innocent and idealistic in spite of her coolness. Isn't that right, police girl?"_ Her master's gentle voice echoed in her mind. Seras stood up in alarm. "M-master!" She sputtered as she searched the room warily. "H-how long had you been here?"

The low baritone of his laughter lacked its usual sardonic and teasing quality but merely of pure amusement that sounded foreign to her ears. _"Long enough to realize what a fool we've been." _

"And?"

The vampire's voice was still amused. _"'And' what is?"_

Seras nearly cried in frustration. "What are you going to do about it, Master? All of us know what she exactly feels about this farce! What this parody of choosing a husband is all about while we all know she was practically coerced to do something she truly detests." She looked up from the canopied bed, as if beseechingly to her absent master. "Honestly, I think this is another perverse form of their punishment to her-- it was kinder to let her rot in that prison than letting her be a prisoner in this gilded cage." She paused, expecting her master to comment on that. When none came from him, she almost seethed with frustration. "Master," she clenched her fist, crumpling the silky clothing on the bed. "I _know_, although she tried so hard to hide her feelings. It…" She hesitated the plunged on in a tight whisper. "It is enough to break any one's heart, seeing defeat on her proud features. She doesn't know how to deal with it, you know that!"

Her master had still not replied. Thinking he had disappeared, she stood and woodenly began the task of tidying up the room. After five years, she had known her master very well, especially anything that has to do with the Lord Integra. He had always treated her with sardonic amusement but beneath that, there was a deep concern, an unexplainable gentleness, protectiveness bordering to possessiveness and affection that shone in his scarlet eyes. She saw that many times, especially the times Lord Integra's life was in peril. Although she had been jealous—after all, at first, she fancied herself being a little in love with the vampire who gave her the gift of immortality. Later on, she had now understood and even accepted that the ties that bound her monster master and his master were more than just a slave-master relationship. He never admitted it but she knew. Call it feminine intuition.

She smiled sourly. Even becoming undead, she hadn't lost that intuition. But now, what she just couldn't believe and puzzled with her master's lack of concern this time. _"What is wrong with you, Master?"_ She sent in telepathically, almost irritably. _"Didn't you care, after all?"_

"_What makes you say that?"_

She nearly jumped with the sudden reply but her temper was wearing thin with her master's evasions. "Please, Master. You very well know what I am talking about! What happens now? Or was I wrong?" she demanded.

"_What do you want me to do? Stop her?"_

"Master!"

No reply.

"Master?"

He was silent for too long.

Heaving a disgusted sigh, she rolled her eyes and muttered. "This is just great! The great Alucard has gone coward now?"

"_You are becoming too impudent, fledgling,"_ Amused irritation tinged his voice but he sobered, all of the traces of amusement were gone from the low baritone, as he said coldly. _"That is none of your concern, police girl. Integra can handle herself."_

"But—"

"_I said it is not your concern. Obey me."_

The girl hesitated, almost considered to defy her master but she merely shrugged and continued her unfinished chore. As an afterthought, she murmured, "Master? Forgive me."

"_For what, police girl?"_

"For insulting you. And not trusting you."

There was a pause.

"Because I do not believe you will let her down. You simply care too much for Sir Integra. Forgive me for doubting you."

He laughed softly. "_Incorrigible as ever, fledgling."_

Smiling now, she continued her task but her mind still churned with thoughts of her master and her master's master.

oOo

The duke awaited on the salon, slapping his gloves against his thigh with impatience. He detested waiting but it seems like the arrogant, prim and virgin knight he was supposed to woo intend to keep him waiting. It had been three hours since they stopped at the Hellsing manor. He scowled, his arrogant lips curled as he said to Walter, who stood at the door calmly. "Did the Lady Integra receive the message that we are waiting for her arrival, servant?"

Walter Cumm Ddollneazz was not feeling particularly charitable with their guests. His nerves were already frayed with irritation, worry and tension but he struggled to remain calm as he answered the duke blandly, "I believe that _Sir_ Integra will be coming down any time soon, your grace." He emphasized the Sir with steely resolve as the Duke of Lancashire met his gaze with surprise. He almost smiled when the duke seemed to redden with anger at his audacity. Walter glanced imperceptibly at the door and the Queen's retinue. The two messengers looked about them expressionlessly. _They were here to ensure Lord Integra's compliance after all and nothing more, _he thought bitterly.

The duke of Lancashire equally hated the house, the butler and even the Queen's messengers who served as his escort. Hell, he hated wasting his time on this little foible! He did not understand why the Queen was so eager to foist the Hellsing chit on all of them, the court buzzing with scandalous gossips beginning from her looks, sexual orientation and the nature of her duty in the realm. There was even talks that she was a necrophiliac and that the vampires under her wing were her pets for amusement. What amusement, he did not care to know. He glared at the snotty butler who regarded him with thinly veiled amusement at his discomfort. The old man seemed to know his apprehension in this house. "Well?" he snapped irritably. "Can't you see what keeps your mistress, butler?"

Walter decided to heed the arrogant cur of a man seated on the settee. It was taking all his patience not to wring the idiot's neck with his wire but he dared not move for the man was an important peer of the realm. Sir Integra would not be pleased to have another scandal and threat of treason stain the illustrious Hellsing name. He bowed curtly as he opened the door to see where Sir Integra had been. For her sake, he wished she had been ill or there was a call for FREAK extermination anywhere in South Africa. No such luck however, it was curious that the FREAK attack had seemed to have stopped for the meantime. In one of his desperate moments, he almost wished that she would consent to the needling of Alucard to make her a vampire. But knowing his master, she'd rather die than become a monster. Closing the doors behind him, he looked up and almost gasped in surprise and pleasure. A vision of blue was walking down the steps gracefully, waves of golden hair glinted in the soft light. If it weren't for the brilliant blue eyes, dusky rose skin and sapphire necklace she was wearing, he wouldn't have recognized her.

"Good Lord, Sir Integra!" The butler bowed deeply to hide his pleasure. As she approached, pride shone on his eyes as he gazed fondly at his young charge he had raised and loved like a daughter. "Truly, had Sir Arthur been alive today, he would have been proud to see you this beautiful."

"Would he?" Her soft voice made the former Angel of Death look at his young mistress with surprise. Although she was very feminine in her clothing and appearance, she still has the imposing aura when she is in her knight uniform. But that was not what surprised him. There was something strange with her that Walter couldn't put his finger on. It was as if she had lost the fire that made her so vital. There was a sad disillusion glinting in her eyes that it was heartbreaking to see. But he knew that she would just brush aside any sign of sympathy on his part so he tried another tactic.

"Indeed, Lady Integra," he teased, trying to coax a smile out of her. He felt heartened when she favored him with a tiny quirk at the side of the mouth. "The Duke of Lancashire awaits you with impatience, not to mention the Queen's messengers. But I think the arrogant duke would not regret his long wait when he sees you." He was about to pull the door open but Integra stopped him. He glanced at her questioningly.

Her voice was cool and devoid of all emotion. "I care naught for that, Walter. And you know it. You know why I do this"

He bowed respectfully. "Of course, my lord." He pulled the doors open and let her precede him.

OoO

Alucard was seated on his throne-like chair, brooding over the incident between him and Integra in the hallway.

No matter how impersonal she treated him, he knew his compliments _pleased_ her. It was also the first time he saw her relax and smile candidly since she was a girl. He also knew that he hurt her more than she let him see. For that reason, he did not push her unlike before because he knew that it would not merely anger her. It would damage the relationship they had, as long they had known each other.

But what exactly is their relationship?

With this thought in mind, Alucard reverted to Seras' words and berating. _"Didn't you care after all?"_ his impudent fledgling demanded, pushed beyond the limits of frustration. At first it amused him to pique the police girl but as each of her goading words pricked his self-possessed coolness, it irritated him. However, as she continued her barbed taunts with what he really felt for his master, it infuriated him that the police girl had accurately inferred his true feelings. _The police girl's intuition is getting too sharp for her own good_, he thought wryly.

Alucard did not like thinking about the result of his actions. He did things without compunction and without regret. But after centuries of being undead, he was too tired of following blindly to his instincts and being, recently, pushed around because he was bound to do things at someone's whim. _It must be the time I've been doing nothing but wait_. There had been no reports of FREAK attacks, not even any actions from the Section 13. The idle time in his hands made him think and reflect over his deeds. And even the unusual relationship he had with his Master. He knew that they were beyond the master-servant relationship. He could feel it in both of them but both of them are unwilling to face the fact. He had read her mind, after all. In her case, she knew and accepted it but would not concede to it. His worthy master was fighting down her feelings because of principle. He smiled wickedly at that. A little more prodding here and there, she would eventually collapse. Wouldn't that be amusing? He was taken aback with the sudden irate protest made by his conscience by battering and defeating his proud master. He almost laughed aloud. The No-Life King still had a conscience after all this time? Unacceptable! The wicked grin on his face gradually became a thoughtful frown. But regrettably, he had to admit even to himself that he could not do that.

Seeing her in feminine clothes made him burn with wanting. Instead of appearing weak and fragile like most women, she was more potently seductive and powerful than in her masculine clothes. It was advantageous that humans cannot read minds or she would have sealed him right there and then when she learned of his thoughts as he stood there, kissing her hand. He wanted her with an alarming intensity but he knew he couldn't have her. In his case, apart from the obvious, he is unwilling to accept that another human had gotten under his skin. Another woman had awakened his passions. Not only with her beauty but her strength of character and will. And try as he might, he cannot fight this wanting. He realized how long it had been. He yearned for a mate.

Beside his booted feet, bags of medical blood were being chilled in the bucketful of ice. He ripped one with his fang and began to gulp down the crimson fluid.

_I need something to do before these thoughts drive me insane. Otherwise I might find myself attacking her in bed, after all._

TBC


	4. Ordeal

A/N: Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano-sama. This fiction is made by a deranged mind that has no intention of making any profit out of this, whatsoever.

This chapter is dedicated to my orgmate and co-anime fan that passed away recently. Kim, I hope you are happy, wherever you may be now.

More notes: I'm sorry if I'll be chopping chapter 4 into smaller parts. I'm not sure yet with how I'll handle the cuts but might integrate it as soon as I had already sorted the ideas in my head. I am currently stumped with work and issues with personal matters, not to mention the mess my country is experiencing. Please bear with me, I will do my best to get my thoughts into order. And news—I have 2 brainchild of a fic coming up! Both are AxI, of course. (yay!) Will upload them as soon as I get my muses working.

I would like to thank all who had reviewed my work—thank you for your kind words. They keep me going.

As usual, this fic is for to Hieiko, Sioms, Siops, Momo and Tetet.

**Chapter IV**

**1. The Ordeal**

Integra instantly detested the man before her.

He was taller than her, his build athletic. His dark brown hair slicked back which reminded her of her Uncle Richard. His face looked freshly scrubbed but there was nothing clean about this man. Not to mention the way his hazel eyes raked her body. It was as if she was being stripped naked.

She almost shuddered with revulsion as he took her nerveless fingers and squeezed it before he lifted it to his lips and placed a possessive kiss on his gloved hand. She almost jerked back her hand away from his grasp if it weren't for her well-practiced control.

Michael Barrington, the Duke of Lancashire, was stunned. The Hellsing knight, according to gossips, purported her to be an ugly, haughty and prim, old maid who considered all men below her touch. However, the lovely woman in front of her may be cold and hard as diamond but nothing in her features said she was plain! He recovered his wits as he greeted her charmingly, "A good evening to you, Lady Hellsing." He remained smiling even the woman ignored him and his greeting. She merely stared at him impassively and nodded. His smile became a scowl as she jerked her gaze pointedly to the two silent men beside him. "I suppose they are to stay here, your grace?" Her voice was deliciously husky. He wondered how she sounds when she is sated? A wicked leer slashed his handsome features and that did not escape the sharp eyes of Walter, who was watching him carefully.

Integra's attention was still on the messengers who had fidgeted under the steady gaze the Knight of the Round Table gave them. "Well?"

The thinner man spoke up, "We are here as escorts of His Grace, Sir Integral. We are commanded to see that no harm—" he broke off as the ice-blue eyes narrowed with mocking disdain.

"Are you implying that my household and I are to be considered as a threat to his grace's safety?"

The thinner man paled. "No, my lady but—"

"Let us cut through the chase, my good man. This is supposed to be a courtship, political as it is, but this is as I am aware of, a personal visit of the Duke of Lancashire for my hand in marriage. **_If I consent_**. Now, I know exactly why you wish to stay but I would like to be left in private as we discuss this. I would appreciate if you stay out of this room and let Walter lead you to another salon where you can wait."

The thinner man spluttered, "B-but my lady, we have precise orders that—"

Integra glowered at them dangerously. "Do you think me as a fool, then?"

The thinner man gulped and nervously turned to his companion. The stocky one in the pair nodded at his partner and arose quietly. He doffed his hat and bowed politely to her. "As you wish, Sir Integral." He nodded to the duke who curtly gave them the permission to leave. Following Walter, the pair went out of the room, leaving them alone.

Making sure no one was listening, she now turned to him. "You might as well spare me the runabouts, your grace," she said curtly. He nodded curtly as he handed her a missive from the Queen.

She was relieved to see them all go. Walter had come up behind her, watching them leave by her study window. "Is there anything you wish before I retire?" he inquired.

She leaned against the cool glass pane while she watched the duke's limousine drive away. "I think not, Walter. Thank you." Absently, she began to unbutton her lady kid gloves. She walked towards her oak study table and tossed them on her desk. "On second thought, I would like a cigar."

Walter politely handed his young mistress her cigarillo and pulled out a lighter from his waistcoat pocket. "It is highly unusual that Alucard had decided to stay away from the meeting tonight," he commented casually, eyeing her carefully. Usually, after the visits of the annoying "admirers", Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing would demand for paper work to release her irritation, frustration and agitation. But this time around, she stared at the nightscape; her usual agitation was masked but an unnatural serenity.

"We talked."

"Ah. The count baited you that much?"

She gave him an ironic glance. "Since when did he not?"

After a moment of thoughtful silence, she bit into the cigarillo, somewhat in a trance. _What is now going on? _Walter was apprehensive with the lack of reaction from her since they left. He cautiously chose a way to be in her confidence. "Light?" At her absent-minded nod, he lit the tip of her cigar. Smoke began to curl from the smoldering tip but she had not drawn in the smoke. She merely let it burn. Walter was feeling uneasy. "And how was the interview with the Duke of Lancashire?" The musky scent of cigar filled the room, mixing with the lemons.

"I refused him tonight, Walter." But there was no sense of conviction in her voice.

"I thought it was the case. He seems to be a highly vile man, the duke." He coughed apologetically. "Your pardon, Miss Integra. I mean not to criticize but the man was a beast. In my opinion."

A tired smile lightened her features. "He is. But he is also Her Majesty's kin. A distant but favored cousin."

"Still, you have others to consider."

"The Queen grows impatient."

"You have still the time to make your decision, my lord."

"Not anymore."

With this, the old retainer's brows furrowed. Integra slanted him a sideways glance. "I am now engaged." She stated it flatly. She turned back to the pane, her arms folded across her chest.

There was a muffled thud as the lighter in Walter's hand fell on the carpeted floor. His mouth opened but no words came out. He quickly recovered his composure. Silently, he left the room.

Integra looked out at the moonlit night. The distant trees swayed gently to the dance of the spring night breeze.

Seras squeaked, "Sir Integra is **_engaged_**?" They were at the dungeon rooms where Seras cornered Walter after the ordeal.

Walter sighed heavily. "So it seems, Miss Seras. Their betrothal would be announced within the sennight."

"How could he permit this!" Seras was beside herself with outrage. The astonished butler watched the young police girl march to the deeper dungeons. She threw the door crashing it open and yelled, "HOW CAN YOU!" Her master was leaning on his throne, eyes half-closed as he sipped the last contents of the medical blood bags.

Alucard's crimson eyes opened lazily as he regarded the already crimson eyes of his fledgling burning with righteous indignation and fury. "What?"

It took all Seras' power not to drag out his indolent master and shake him, angry as she was. "How DARE you sit there while you are just about to LOSE her with your idiocy, MASTER! She is ENGAGED and you didn't even do ANYTHING!" Her shoulders shook with emotion.

"I told you to leave these matters alone--." Before Alucard could continue, he saw the pain in the police girl's face matched her contempt for him. Blood tears fell on her cheeks. "I lost the man I love BUT I fought for him. You, my Master, are despicable. Because you are disgusting, filthy, monstrous excuse for a COWARD!" As if she could not trust herself to stand before him, she whirled away, running and slammed the door behind her. He sat perfectly still, at first furious with her tirade and stunned with her temerity. Then the import of her words finally set in.

_**She is about to get married.**_

_Marriage means nothing. It is merely a political alliance. Nothing more._

_**You will lose her. Forever.**_

_There can be another human like her. I would still be around; even it takes me another thousand of years._

_**But she is the only woman you wanted this way.**_

_I wanted Mina that way, too. It brought me nothing but sorrow._

_**You will regret this for as long as you exist. You do not just want her, you l—**_

He didn't allow that thought to complete. He lost that right the night he embraced the Undead. Anything as pure as that is beyond his reach. But his conscience seemed to be unwilling to remain silent.

_**Even the Devil can love, Count Dracula…**_

His lips curled into a mocking, maniacal smile. _The Devil does not love; He merely obsess too much. And she happens to be the one I crave_


End file.
